It's the heart's way.

It’s been a while since the last time i blogged. It’s been a year i suppose?

Well anyway, it’s good to be back.

OOOOKAAYYYY, where should I start?

Well, typing down everything that happened since the last time i blogged would be impossible at the moment. So, I’ll provide you a short gist :)

First, I moved to the Philippines to study last May 2010. Whoa, its been a year?! O.o HAHAHA. So yeah, I was an alien to my classmates at first because i started ranting in english on the first day of classes. pft. like i care about them anyway. then, i joined the taekwondo team :D something i’ve always wanted. finally have it! yes! met this guy at tkd, named paul. but didnt last, met another guy from tkd, named Eduard or DON (like my mum types it) who is currently my boyfriend. been going on for 9 months and 3 week, hitting for our 10th month on the 22nd. :D too fast huh? :D and oh, to top it off, were legal to his family && to MY family :D. Don, my mum and my brother are pretty close now. its scary -.-

The part that i love is the part where my mum and i became really close. after sharing that I have a boyfriend, she infact helped and encouraged me to approach my dad the ‘news’ hahhahaa. I’ve been flunking majors and what not. gosh i hate it here. i miss my old life -.-

ohhhkaaay. here’s the part that made me go back to blogging. I’m depressed. No, wait,. more like, irritated! GOSH! MY BOYFRIEND, wants me to CHANGE just for him, or atleast thats what i think he wants me to do, to CHANGE. he wants me to stop adding guys in FB, he wants me to stop sticking to guys, he wants me to stop making friends with guy, he wants me to stop everything that has to do with other guys! -,- its irritating :( like, come on! thats me! A ‘guy’ person! and he wants me to change that. I think i know why, but still, its hard. =(

You know what he doesn’t get? The part where I’m not from this ‘city’. Naturally, a person like me, would like to have alot of friends. well, some people would prefer sticking to their boyfriend, i do that with Don, but i prefer having friends and a boyfriend at the same time. I’m not settled with the fact that its gona be him. I want it to be him, but it’s too early for me to think about the later future. but yeah, whatever. moving on, so yeah, i want to make friends. and pft, i dont got along with girls that well -.- i admit. i have pin-pointed-‘girl friends’ and bunch of ‘boy friends’. is that BAD!? COME ON! I’ve been living with this kind of lifestyle since i was back home! HE MET ME THIS WAY! WHY CANT I LIVE WITH IT -.- Now THAT’s what’s pissing me off. ughh. Help me God :(

I miss my parents so much that at times i feeling like giving up my studies just to spend precious moments with them. i miss my awesome brother. i miss my crazy bestfriend. i miss HOME. why does my life have to change in a snap :( why cant i live my life the way i use too? :(

FFS, if my dad has been supporting OUR family, I wouldnt be here in this wasted country!! >< ughh, bursts my guts-.-

God? :( Please guide me right? :( I don’t want to let my parents down but at the same time, I want  to satisfy my needs of being with them :( I love my boyfriend but its hard for me to cope with what he wants to happen :( I’ve changed my views about relationships and my view right now does suit our current relation status. maybe if i met him long before, like, maybe if i met him instead of meeting jassim, i think he’d love how i was =/ because the way i see it, it’s more like a change of pace =/ what he is now, is how i wanted my boyfriend to be when i was with Jassim. And now, how I was with Jassim, is how he wants me to be. Oh Dear. =/

God? Nevertheless, im thankful for giving me such patience to wait for someone like Eduard. he’s a gift from you, someone I’ve wanted and needed. I’m really thankful for such a surprise. Someone whom I did not expect. I love him. I really love him.

This is why I love you BLOG. you make me calm down. :)

I suppose I’ll be posting more dramas and happenings more often now :) I’ve missed you :D :*

Oh wait, here’s a picture of me and Eduard :)

Yep, that’s us :3

Goodnight B :)

I miss home. there’s just nothing else that I can say right now. I was so homesick. I’ve been portraying signs of depression, though i didn’t really feel the depression, apparently its subconscious depression. =( Today I can say that I had a rough day, though i really didn’t. I’m just terribly homesick right now. But there’s just that, someone who will call you at the right time to make you feel that you’re not alone. There were signs all over Uni today, but I didn’t think that it’s actually something. I’m sure you’ll feel really happy once you find out I’m actually blogging about you. And oh, thanks for the song & dedication. I’m just saying all this because you made me feel that i’m not alone, even for an hour, but yet again, I don’t believe everything that you tell me. But thanks, really. Sorry because my laptop was being such a bitch. Thank you. I mean it. Have a great life ahead. I’m just not the one for you.

Day 1 in Philippines isnt so, hmm, bad? Went Swimming in a resort with artificial waves and got tanned. I’m a nigga.

Why am I blogging on my private log? It’s because, I miss, my home.

I’m currently sound tripping and each song I play, a small memory has to be remembered, something related to the 2 months I spent in Dubai.

I miss:

• Dancing in the club like no one was around.
• Drinking booze that I haven’t tried before.
• Chilling at Sofitel area, doing our thang.
• The WILD NIGHT.
• The awesome people.

Darn, I’ve got so much to tell but the word’s just wont come out. I miss Dubai! I miss my awesome heart-to-heart, shopping & bitchyness partner Wani. My fli-fli Hafiy. My pokemate Ben. My Best Brother and Friend Mark. And loads more!

I LOVE YOU ALL! I really do. I’m so making SG in July work. I want it bad!

P.S. Dear Bestfriend, I hope you wake up from this messed up you and go back to your old you. That’s all i have to say. You’re a puzzle to solve, solve yourself first so others can help you be solved the next time.

In less than 48 hours, I’ll be leaving the country where I was born, where I grew up, where I became strong, where I met my none blooded siblings. I’ve suffered hurting during the nights every day. Each time someone tells me that he/she misses me, my eyes just couldn’t help it. Like now.

I’ve had the fawesome 2 months of my year,. and it just hurts to think back. I became closer to the people I least expected too. Tomorrow, I planned to keep myself home,. seeing more people will hurt. I’ve decided to shut my phone on monday before I leave.. I can’t afford to hear other people’s voices or receive text messages. Ah fuck. this is painful! 

Dear ‘you’..

Please be mature enough to face and get over everything. you were hurt because of me i know, but wtf, GET OVER IT! I’m over it, so CAN YOU TOO?! GOSH! I know you saw me throw sharp looks at you, but I don’t give a fuck. Grow up will you? You may be ‘special’ to me, but what the hell, I won’t support you if you’re wrong. There’s just too much for me to say and right now, I couldn’t think straight to frame my point. I just wish you’d learn to place yourself right. And Oh, call me a bitch, but i honestly didn’t feel like spending the night with you. FYI, I didn’t reject you, I was just being honest. 

I don’t cry over boys and i dont ever want to cry for them anymore! but if i were to cry, its either because of my pride, or my bestfriends and friends.

My friends,. are the best, i love them more than anything. they show me the love that i deserve, they show me the world that I deserve to be in, they show me happiness. God i thank you so much for these awesome people, sorry if i have neglected your rules at times, but.. im human. i make mistakes, im tempted easily.

If I were to choose my fate, I would have done it long back, I’d rather endure the cruelty and be strong. I miss being the old non-swearing, all laughing, non-smoking, non drinking, demure and modest Melanie. I’m the opposite of that now. I’m a rebel. and if people would say that my friends are a bad influence, FUCK YOU! it was my choice, not effing theirs. So stay out of it. I love my friends so much that I try to do anything and everything that I can to make them happy. If crying is what it takes, it’s worth it, i know. i love you guys, so much. 2 months is not even enough for me to satisfy that need i look from my extended siblings, forever is not enough. i dont want to cry, i really dont.. but you guys are my weakness. you are the people i hold on too, trust and expect alot from.

Bad times, crazy times, laugh, cry.. all the way.

Whew, i feel better now. (: Thanks blog.